Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
