I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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