I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The adults are the big ones right?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
