i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
