Just fell off a train. Bad.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm really busy with my period
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