Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
