I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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