I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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