so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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