he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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