I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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