I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
