I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
