I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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