You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
