in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
