My room smells like vodka and shame
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
