they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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