look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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