mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
