I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
