a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
