what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
