My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
