I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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