I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
