please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
