yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
