yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize