My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
