it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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