Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
