Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
