Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
