I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
