Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize