It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
