You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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