Umm I'm too high to move.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
