Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
