help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We don't watch enough power rangers
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
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