just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
