i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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