Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
