Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She needs sedatives and a leash
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
