Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
