If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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