i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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