i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
