so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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