I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
