I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
