totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
