My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize