I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
