In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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