I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
