pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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