You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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