As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
