HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize