Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
