I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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