I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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