i need an iv and a liver transplant
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
