I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
