Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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