please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
