He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
