I didn't shave. On purpose
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
