So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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