i barfeds in our rink
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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