just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
now i know why i became what i already was.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it glows. i had to have it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
