You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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