They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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