Jerry, you need to find god
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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