anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
