Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
