Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
