i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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