he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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