i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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