Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize