I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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