You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
