wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
