We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
