You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
