they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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