By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
