Buhtt sex?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
