I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize